Renewal

I haven't blogged in years. I find myself with lots of things to talk or write about but really its all just my head swirling with stuff and I never find the time or energy to jot down my thoughts. So many things have happened over the years. Lot of family travels, some small worries here and there, a couple of bigger worries, kids aging and growing, work stuff for me and work stuff for Jon, moments of being scared and some happy stuff too.

I've had a lot to be inspired about lately and other things that could make me question or try to worry about things beyond. But instead I don't usually feel as hopeless as I think I will be. Rather, I end up feeling something opposite like clarity and the desire for improvement (as little as it may be). More posts to come and things to talk about. Just opening the creaky doors of my blog once again. Baby steps. (inspiration from a beautiful friend here)

September 2014- Kauai. Most important people in my life. And is that a churro in Sam's hands??

Annie

She made it. Annie Kay Stocks, that is. I am so in love each time I look down at those little chubby cheeks and doll lips. Love is instant when you have a baby. Instant.

Her birth: Her EDD was September 25th. I have had my other two kids early so I was planning on an early birth with Annie. I had been dilated for some time, and the doctor just couldn't believe that my water had not broken on it's own so on my appointment on September 6th, when I was a 6+ and she was literally knocking on my door down below, he sent me over to Labor and Delivery. She was ready. I was a bit nervous and frantic. I called my mom and she brought the kids over after she picked them up from school. The kids gave my tummy one last kiss and I checked in. Jon was on his way from work so soon we would meet up.

For this entire pregnancy, I didn't know what I wanted in terms of pain relief. I considered the epidural but knew in my heart that that is not what I should do (based off of past experiences). I just figured that there were other medications I could get to "dull" the pain. I didn't do a whole lot of study on natural childbirth but I did try to mentally prepare myself for what would be (or what I thought would be).

Okay, back to the night she was born. I checked into L and D around 4 or 5 pm. They hooked my IV up and because with my previous pregnancies I was Group B + I opted for antibiotics as a precaution. As the antibiotics ran there course, my contractions picked up on their own (no pitocin, which I did not want :) Even though I was pretty sure about my decision, the doctor still suggested that I meet with the anesthesiologist. I did so while at a 7 and he told me that there really isn't much for medications (besides the epidural) that he could give me if I wanted any pain meds at this point. I didn't need anything at this time so Jon and I decided to just go ahead with the our "original" plan and proceed without the epi. The nurse assigned to me was fantastic. She delivered her babies natural and was a great coach alongside Jon. She told me that most women coming in with a natural childbirth plan usually don't follow through with it and she told me that I could do this if I wanted to. I never really thought about giving in. Just getting her here, safely, was my driving force. I appreciated that nurse and feel pretty lucky she happened to be there that evening.

Doctor checked me and didn't want to break my water until a full course of antibiotics had run through me. By 10:15 pm, he checked me and I was at an 8+ and getting near. Up until this point, pain was there, but I could bear it and coped well. It was time, so they broke my water and things just picked up fairly fast from there. The contractions were intense. I don't have any other words for the extreme pain I felt, it was a bit of a blur during this time. At 11:20, the pain was at its' peak and the pressure to push was imminent. I told them that I was going to have to push and they told me to wait, that I was almost there, but to wait until I was complete. By 11:26 I told them it was TIME!! I was not quiet during these last 5 minutes so I just remember numerous people coming in and out and then someone checking me and yelling for the doctor. Annie was on her way.

The doctor just made it in time and didn't have time to really prep himself or the delivery table. I told them I needed to push and within 1 minute, she was born. Screaming to fill her lungs with air. She was my biggest baby at 7 lbs 10 oz. And, surprisingly, she was the earliest at 37 w 2 d gestation. I immediately held her and loved her. She was COVERED in vernix (the nurses said it was more than they have ever seen). She was lovely. Her name didn't come for days later as I just didn't have the right name for her yet. I liked Margo but Jon wasn't convinced. The kids wanted Margo but mom trumped their decision and I wanted the name to come from both Jon and I.

We all love her to pieces and the kids couldn't be more happy with their little sister (although they still call her Margo and occasionally Sam will say "What's that baby's name, again??")

Here are some pics I have taken since her birth. I have a friend who has taken some amazing pics as well and I will be posting those soon!

In all her glory!

Annie and her big sis

In the sunshine- to rid the jaundice.


Big brother

The Baby Scoop and a VENT

Well, since I really don't talk much about this baby on the blog... here is a little update with some ramblings on the side.

I am due with baby TRES (as in #3- guess I could have wrote that) in several weeks and am between 35 and 36 weeks as of now. I went to the DR last week and because JUST FOR FUN (ha), my DR checked where I was... EEEEKK. I think he screamed a bit under his breath when he told me that I was 4cm and 80% effaced. I kind of panicked for a second wondering if his measurements are off (hey, maybe is phalanges are really small... or would that be really big???) EWWW. Sorry, that may have been a bit too much! Honestly, I don't know how they measure you, maybe a mini measuring tape!??

Needless to say they don't want me to do much, if anything for another week and half. I am trapped in my house, on my bed or a couch and it is JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA. I like relaxing, but on MY time! Now the baby blanket that needs a swath of ribbon or lace (from a fabric store that I now dream of perusing the aisles of) will sit there staring at me like a kid in time out. I trust Jon with many things in my life (actually MOST everything) but a couple of yards of lace or ribbon for my blanket is not something I would trust him getting :) Alas... So long, lengthy list of to-do items I needed to finish up before baby.

And to top it off, I have a fabulous group of friends that have put together a brunch to celebrate this baby. They have made the MOST KIND effort to relieve my lonely pregnancy and here I am: stuck. Well guess what world... I am not having this baby until after the brunch. That is pretty much the only thing that I have to look forward to since I can do little much else. So if my water breaks at the brunch, so be it. I trust this baby would want a little excitement while coming into this world, Right?

Another Year Wiser

It's that time of year again when the kids start school. We are on Tracking School so the kids started back on Tuesday! Belle is in 3rd grade and Sam is in 1st... ALL DAY! I am finding myself a bit lonesome in the afternoons... missing my Sammy Bear! It amazes me each year how much my children grow even from the short 6 week summer vacay they have! I adore these beauties!

it happened

it happened. sam grew up. he is so special to me. he is six today and i love him six BILLION times as much as I did when he was born.

i feel incredibly fortunate to have children to raise. i know i have been given so much. i have no good descriptive words that tells of the true depth of love and utter joy my children give me. there are none.

challenges/hurdles are all around. my peace comes from my children. their love tickles me inside and out.

happy b-day my big, birthday boy. here's to a pirate b-day worth more than GOLD.

Sam 6th b-day invite